haiis... what's happening??
[ Monday, December 26, 2005|6:58 PM ]
haiis.. sian ahhs... mama ask me dont go co on wed.. cos wanna go do something.. it hurts me quite alot .
dunno how to say lahhs.. becos from there, i thought of a lot of things.. and as i thought things through.. wondering if my sacrifices made for co were really worth it.. cos i missed out tons of nice things when i went for co.. i'm not blaming co lahs.. but just thinking through only.. well.. i missed out the Genting trip.. some class outings.. and some more things that i dont wish to say it.. hai.. i can go ahead enjoy myself but i didn't. some others did.. but anyway.. i will never regret the decisions i made yahhs.. will never regret . cos i really love this orchestra, and felt that nothing's more important than tis.. but just really figuring out if all were worth it.. i'm not wanting any recognition for my "efforts" or wat okay.. or any attention.. am not saying i very wei da also lo.. cos i really love this orchestra. and its just how i feel ba le.. hai.. almost everyday thinking of co.. who will understand.? And yes; i'm always wondering if my presence to the orchestra made any difference.. cos my mom said something which yes, kinda aches my heart.. she said that i go also no use de.. certainly.. i find it quite true after some thorough thinking. dont ya think so mehs? i'm not asking for attention at all.. just how i feel okay.. becos mostly the feelings i get from there were always extreme disappointment.. dont think anyone knows bah.. cos i nv tell any.. and jus have to put on a smiley face until i go home.. hai.. and i felt that what i've done were all wasted.. i'm not saying that my sacrifices were very big or wat lo.. cant ever compare it to our graduated seniors.. cos mine's peanuts.. and i dont need anyone to recognise wat i've done.. cos i dont think there's any need to.. and i doubt anyone will do so.. cos its my own freewill and i'm always willing to.. .. also quite disappointed in the peoples' attitude.. u see.. when we sec1s.. we r all so willing to go watch concerts.. but now.. hai.. cant really blame them lahs.. like dey say.. seniors' examples played a part as well.. hahs.. what can we do? hai.. but also cant sit there and see co fall mahs.? cos if that really happens, i'll cry i tell ya.. anyway.. the reason i wrote these things here is simply becos it symbolises how i feel.. definitely not for the stupid attention!! i may sound fake and freaky or whatsoever.. i dont care lahs.. go ahead.. anyhow think bahs.. no one will stop u.. hahs..? anyway.. i really dont wish to miss any practices. really.. did i miss any since sec1.?
